Forward
by SKRoberts
Summary: Ford. Sheppard. Will disaster be spelled out for them both? ... Post The Siege, Part 3


Title: _Forward_  
Author: Sarah K. Roberts (S.K.Roberts)  
Character(s): Ford, (Sheppard)  
Date Completed: July 2005  
Category: Tragedy  
Summary: Ford. Sheppard. Will disaster be spelled out for them both? Post-"The Siege, Part 3"  
Setting: Possibly AU, Post-"The Siege, Part 3"  
Spoilers: Through "The Siege, Part 3"  
Author's Note: Special thanks to my roommate Alex for being my beta and Muse Stand-In. gives you a muffin 

Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on rights of the makers of the series. This is not for profit and purely for enjoyment. All characters of _Stargate Atlantis _were borrowed and then returned, unharmed and unchanged at the end, with their dignity intact. Any similarity between this story and an already existing fan fiction, is purely coincidental.

_**Forward**_

He sensed someone was near. Too near.

Placing his back against a tree with his pistol at the ready, he waited for the person to get closer. Barely moments later and in a blink of an eye, he fired off a single shot, without even looking, and heard a body fall to the forest floor.

Stepping out cautiously from the shadows of his hiding place, he saw his victim sprawled out in front of him, blood pouring from his head. His eyes were open but unseeing.

Upon seeing his slain target, realization dawned on the shooter's face. And remorse gleamed in his one solid black eye.

----------

How long had it been since he had seen that man's face? How long since he had left Atlantis? Weeks? Months? A year? He was not sure anymore.

He had been sure, however, that the next time he saw John Sheppard's face, it would not be staring up at him, lifelessly, its owner felled by his former friend's bullet.

He was wrong.

Since that Wraith had tried to feed upon him and turned him into what he was now, he had felt strong. Superman strong. Hell, he could put Superman to shame, he felt that strong. But thinking about the site in front of him, what he had just done, made his heart go weak. Even so, he never lowered his weapon. Sheppard could be faking, he thought. After all, he was trying to change him back. Looking at the ever-increasing sizeable pool of blood under Sheppard's head, Aiden Ford figured the man must be the best damn actor in the galaxy.

After a few more moments of looking at the unmoving man, he spoke, "You should have let it go, Sheppard."

_Sheppard_. His old self never would have called him that. It was always _Sir_ or _Major_. But the way he had felt since that fateful day, he would call nobody _Sir_ again. He was subservient to no one.

"You always have to try to save people, even if they don't want you to. I didn't need your help, I still don't need it," he stated, emphasizing by brandishing his weapon.

Sheppard said nothing. Not that Ford expected him to; he was playing dead.

"But that's just who you are. 'Never leave anyone behind,' right? Well, you couldn't deal with the fact that I wasn't behind. I was ahead, of all of you!"

Never once did he look away from Sheppard's gaze. Damn, Sheppard was good. He had shown no sign of movement whatsoever. Ford continued to watch the man before him, while Sheppard remained motionless, just blankly staring off in front of him.

It was unnerving, that gaze. He just stared.

Several moments later, though, so unnerved by those hazel eyes, Ford chanced to bend down and reach for them. Expecting Sheppard to act as soon as his hand had touched the other man's skin, he was surprised when nothing happened. With a quick run of his fingers over the man's face, the eyes closed. Yet Ford could still feel them upon him.

His weapon had not wavered until that point. Crouched down, so close to his former commanding officer, he knew the truth. Holding his pistol on the man served no point. Sheppard was not faking. He would have acted had he been, with Ford so close to him. Yet, he hesitated in lowering his weapon completely.

Steeling himself, he backed away, stood, and looked at the man on the ground before him. "It wasn't supposed to be like this, Sir."

_Sir_. It had come out so easily. It surprised him.

"I'm not sure how it was supposed to be, but not... like this," he said, finally lowering his pistol. With one last glance, he turned to leave.

"_Colonel Sheppard, what's your location?_"

The voice on the radio made Ford pause. Sheppard's new rank registered bleakly with the younger man.

"_Colonel?_"

For the first time in a long while, he did not know what to do.

Going back to Atlantis was not an option. Had it possibly been before, it certainly was not one now. He did not need them, anyway, he reminded himself.

However, leaving Sheppard there was not an option either, not when his team was so close. The man had likely still been trying to help him, help wanted or not, when the older man's 'rescue' had cost him his life. Now he knew his former teammates were near, he could at least make sure the body got home. Not have him left behind.

"_Colonel, where are you?_" McKay's voice was frantic now.

"McKay..."

"_F-Ford..?_" Ford could just imagine the look on the other man's face. He almost smiled at the thought. All thoughts of smiling vanished, however, when McKay continued: "_Where's Sheppard?_"

"He's... here," Ford said, not looking back at the body. "Go back to the Gate. I'll meet you there. I'll make sure the Maj--... Colonel... is with me."

"_Why should I trust you?_" Was that hostility in McKay's voice?

"There's... no reason at all. Just be there. Please," with that, Ford turned off the radio and tossed it away.

Ford had not even known they were on this planet. He was new to it, having been there maybe two days tops. He had ditched the jumper long ago and had been hopping from planet to planet since then. His stash of the Wraith enzyme was waning. He had so little left, he did not know if he would make it through the next few days. In an ironic effort, he had been lessening his doses of it each time, desperate to stretch it as far as he could. With its depletion, so went his focus. His senses had begun to betray him. He was jumpier, paranoid. He had been in the middle of a transfusion when he heard Sheppard approach. Only then, he had not known it was Sheppard. Without giving it a second thought, he had fired off a shot, knowing it would find its target, whether or not he could see the target himself. His shooting skills were still with him. Only after he had come out in the open did he see what he had done. Who he had murdered. He did not know where McKay was, and the man in turn apparently did not know where Sheppard was. The only way to get the Colonel home, he figured, was to meet at the Gate.

Turning away from the discarded radio, he quickly turned to the body. With great strength and ease, he gathered the man in his arms, his head resting on one of his shoulders, his legs against the other. Without looking at his burden, he startedout.

----------

He could see them at the Gate. They had trusted him. His heart momentarily clenched at the thought; that would never happen again. They had not yet seen him approaching. McKay and Teyla looked the same. The man who was with them, he did not know. His replacement, no doubt. As though sensing his gaze, the tall man turned to meet Ford's eyes. With a gesture, he alerted the others to his approach. They noticed his load immediately. He could not quite place their expressions. Concern? Confusion? Disgust? All of those? He could not tell. However, McKay pointing a gun toward his head was an unmistakable message.

"What did you _do_!" McKay asked, the last word going shrill.

Teyla and the tall man had their own weapons trained on him.

"It was a mistake..." he said simply, stopping several feet in front of the group. He slowly lowered Sheppard to the ground and gently released his grasp. He backed away quickly as the others rushed over.

McKay felt for a pulse. He tried twice. Three times. Four. There was none to find. He gulped and looked up to find Teyla looking at him expectantly. An intense frown spread across his entire face, he somehow managed to force out, "He's dead."

Teyla did not believe him, despite taking in Sheppard's blood-covered face. She searched for a pulse for herself.

The truth was the same, no matter who said it.

"You killed him!" Teyla yelled as she stood up quickly, her eyes blazing.

"As I said... it was a mistake..."

The tall man's weapon never wavered.

"Mistake!" McKay squeaked.

Ford nodded and turned to leave.

"Where are you going!"

The young man stopped, and only turning his head to look back, said, "I didn't come here to talk. I just... wanted him to be brought home."

All were horrorstruck, he could see, even the new man. Undoubtedly, they could not believe what was happening. He barely could himself.

Again, Ford tried to leave.

"You cannot leave, Aiden!" Teyla shouted. "We... still want to help you." He could tell she had a hard time saying it. Had he met her earlier today, he was sure she would have meant it. But now, he did not think so.

"Maybe you do. But I still don't want your help." Starting to feel agitated, he moved again to leave.

"Why!"

Twisting his whole body back to face them, he said honestly, "Because after today, I don't think I can be helped. I didn't mean to kill him; I didn't! But... I did. I have to deal with that. You have a right to be afraid of me. I'm afraid of myself."

No one moved for several moments. Teyla was the first to break the silence. "Can we not still try?"

"It's too late. I'll soon be out of the enzyme. Then I'll die," he said matter-of-factly and yet again moved away.

"You do not know that! Doctor Beckett could..."

"Unless Beckett," he cut her off, "is suddenly a Wraith and can supply me with more of the enzyme, he can do nothing. Maybe he could have when this all started, but not now. There isn't enough time." He had blown any chance of that when he stole the enzyme. And after Sheppard, they would not want to help him now, even if he were to ask for it.

"But..." McKay protested.

"McKay, let it go. Sheppard couldn't, and look where it got him!"

They all did not need to be reminded.

"Just... let me go." With that, he turned to leave once more. This time no one stopped him. They did not know how.

A few minutes later and several meters away, Ford heard the Gate activate. Stopping and looking back, he saw the tall man stoop down and carefully lift Sheppard onto his back. Rodney and Teyla were obviously in shock. They just watched in stunned awe as their fallen commander was carried toward the event horizon. Before stepping through themselves, each looked out toward the direction Ford had gone.

With sudden realization, Ford lowered his head. They had lost two friends that day, not just Sheppard. He closed his eyes to keep the moisture in them from falling.

----------

When he opened his eyes again, he saw the night sky. A fire crackled beside him as he lie on the ground gazing at the stars above him. Sitting up and looking around, he saw he was at his camp site.

He rubbed a hand over his face. A dream, he willed. God, he hoped it had all been a dream.

The unsettled man reached for his pack and searched quickly for his stash of the Wraith enzyme. Finding the packet, he pulled it out and looked at its contents. It was almost full. It could not have been more than a few days since he had departed from Atlantis.

He breathed a sigh of relief and put his head in his hands. It had all been a dream. A horrible one, but just a dream.

He had a while yet to live. And he had not really done what he had done.

"It won't come to that," he whispered to himself reassuringly, remnants of his dream vivid in his mind. His own meaningless death, he would not let it happen.

He meant it. He needed a plan. What sort of plan, he did not know. It would come to him in time, he was sure. For now, he settled back down to sleep, content enough knowing that he would be alive for quite a while longer.

As he drifted off to dream again, somewhere within him, he sincerely hoped Sheppard would share the same fate.

Fin.

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AN: Wow, my first Atlantis fic. That felt pretty good. Feedback is appreciated!


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